It's Not Ok, It's RAPE

Society has let me down, yet again. I'm extremely irritated, upset, angered, etc. Let me explain my anger. Yesterday an op-ed piece in our local newspaper was brought to my attention. It was one of the pieces in the Religion section and honestly, that's a section I never read. What the article boiled down to was that the gentleman writing it believed that rape within marriage was not something that was real. If you are married, you have sex with your wife. This brought about a lot of responses that my blogging friends are writing on their blogs as well as to the newspaper and author. The author supports his view that the word of a woman is not enough to establish rape.
This whole debate reminded me of a button I had seen a while ago. It stated something to the effect of "It's sad in a society where we teach our girls how not to get raped instead of teaching our boys NOT TO RAPE". It's true and makes me sad. Why is it that as a woman, my rights are affected by how I dress, wear my hair, do my makeup, etc.? Now, I'm not saying that men don't get raped or get affected by it, but it seems to be a predominantly female problem and since I'm a female, I am writing from that perspective.
The problem in our society is that rape is a joke to most people. Young men think it's fun to take home drunk, blacked out girls from the bar and take advantage of them. That's not fun, it's rape. Young men think it's okay to force themselves on a woman even when she's made it clear that she doesn't want to have sex because well, of course she wants it, she's just playing coy. That's not okay, that's rape. Men think it's fine that because you are in a relationship with someone, or living with them, that it's okay to rip their clothes off and have your way with them whenever you'd like. That's NOT FINE, that's RAPE. If a woman tells you no, or isn't in the right mind frame to say yes, IT'S RAPE. I don't care if you're married, living together, or just met, it's rape. I know because it happened to me.
I remember going out one night with a friend, I got too drunk and was dropped off at an ex boyfriend's house. This was someone I trusted with my life, he was a good man and I thought, I'm drunk and unable to get home, he'll take care of me. The next thing I remember, I'm coming out of a blackout and someone is on top of me. I cried, kept saying no, but it didn't change anything. I've never felt worse in my life. Of course, the next day I went to get the morning after pill and told my boyfriend at the time what happened. I was extremely torn up about the situation and was unsure what to do. On one hand, I trusted this person, he was someone who had always been there for me. On the other, I had been taken advantage of in a way that I couldn't even begin to try to explain to anyone who hasn't been there. Yet, I will try.
All our lives, girls are taught that your private parts are sacred. In my family, your sexual pleasure spot is a gift in which you give to your husband on your wedding day. It's the most precious gift you could ever give to someone. Now, anyone who knows me knows that obviously, I don't have this special gift to give to my future husband since I already have children. But when you are raised with the mind frame that this certain part of you is sacred, it gives you a sense of power. When someone comes along and they TAKE it from you, they don't ask, or request, just TAKE, you feel powerless. Your sense of self, safety, faith, everything fades away and all that you are left with is a shell of who you are.
With this in mind, I felt powerless afterward. I confessed to my boyfriend at the time and asked for his help or advice on how to proceed. Do you know what he did? He accused me of cheating on him. He. Accused. Me. Of. Cheating. On. Him. Just wanted to spell it out in case anyone was mistaken. All of a sudden, I started questioning myself, did I cheat? Was it my fault? Because I chose to stay over there when I was drunk, should I have expected sex? Because I was dressed sexy from going out with girlfriends was I inviting him to do what he wanted with me? Why hadn't I seen it coming? Oh my, I must have been asking for it. Now, logically, looking back, that wasn't the case. Yet, he made me feel as though I had done something wrong and therefore, it was my fault I had been raped. I never reported it because if my own boyfriend didn't believe me, how would law enforcement?
My heart hurts when I think back on that day. A part of me died during that incident that will never be alive again. I felt like an object, something for man's enjoyment. I didn't feel like a person. Now, I'm all for sexual liberation and having power over your body and having as much sex as you'd like. I have no problem with people who choose to sleep around and do whatever they want with whoever they want. Yet, when you walk through the bar and you see men lined up at the end of the night scoping out the drunkest chick so they can take her home, that's disgusting to me. It makes me sick. I enjoy having power over my body and using it in a way that I appreciate. If I choose to have intercourse with someone, that is my CHOICE. When that choice is taken away from me, I'm not alright with that.
Please, let's teach our sons to respect women. Let's teach them that a woman is a sacred, beautiful creature that deserves to be treated like one. Let us stand together as a society and say NO, it's NOT okay to rape in ANY circumstance. Every single person has a right to choose what they do with their body. A woman should be able to be in a relationship, dress as scantily as she likes, or trust a man to be alone with her without forcing his junk into hers. Let's start with our sons, teach them to respect women, then we can start teaching our daughters to respect themselves.