Judgement

Should we care what others think about us? Is it relevant? If we have enough self confidence then it shouldn't matter how others see us, right?

A couple of months back, my ex posted a status on Facebook regarding me and everyone obviously knew who it was about. I had heard about it (being exes, we weren't Facebook friends anymore) and got the gist of what it was about, but didn't actually see it. I chastised him for being childish and asked him not to mention me again, since we worked together and have coworkers on our pages. Well, I forgot about it until a mutual friend left their Facebook up one day and me being the nosy little Facebook stalker I am, decided to creep. I saw the status again through another ex mutual friends page and proceeded to read what people really thought about me. It was disturbing because some of these people I actually had considered my friends. The rest of the people who said disparaging remarks...they can lick my foot, it didn't phase me. It got me thinking about the persona that I give off to people who don't know me. Some of the remarks called me "fake" and "overly friendly". I tend to take the overly friendly as a compliment because I AM a friendly person. Although the fake bothered me A LOT. I try to show that I'm genuine, because I am. I never thought that anyone would see me as fake. That stayed in my mind, but didn't change me too much. The comments just made me realize I needed to pick my "friends" better, those people were deleted from my life and things moved on.
Then I had a conversation with someone last night that stirred it all back up for me. I was told I was passive-aggressive and that I gave back handed compliments. My heart stopped when someone I cared about told me this about myself, that this is what they see in me. All of a sudden, everything I ever knew about who I was came crashing down around me. I thought I was a good, genuine person with a big heart and a sarcastic sense of humor. I'm blatantly honest, to the point, and I'm one hundred percent an open book. How could anyone say that I was passive aggressive? Being the inquiring mind that I am, I googled it to make sure that it didn't describe me. Unfortunately, I DO have passive aggressive tendencies such as procrastination and a fear of dependency. Yet, I was relieved in finding out that it does not describe me completely. And yes, I give back handed compliments, it's part of my sarcastic nature. I tease, I taunt, it's who I am. And some people like it, at least I thought they did.
I realize that everyone doesn't have to like me because Lord knows, I certainly don't like everyone that I meet. I learned that back in kindergarten when cliques started forming on the playground. I also realize that I am a little bit of an acquired taste, I grow on people over time. I am different, some might say weird, and I don't take life seriously. I find things funny that most people just find troubling and I laugh at myself constantly. Still, I like the majority of people I come across and I tend to have an easy time making new friends, or so I thought. So I don't want to push people away by acting, subconsciously, in a manner that people don't care for.
Yes, I have issues, but doesn't everyone? I don't have the highest self esteem, but I'm working on it and I've come a long way in the past few years. I procrastinate like a mo-fo (do mo-fos even procrastinate? I'm not sure but it sounded good) but I'm trying to learn how to give myself deadlines and stick to them. I'm late for EVERYTHING (even my womanly time of the month!) but I've started being on time, or at least within five minutes for almost everything lately. I realize also that sometimes the words I say can hurt people, even if I think I'm being funny, and I've started working on that as well.
No one is perfect, every single one of us has to work on things. Yet, the problem with society these days is that all of us get a trophy. We all think we are invincible and number one and nothing is wrong with us. No one takes the time to say, hey, you really need to work on THIS or THAT personality trait isn't so attractive. I appreciate learning what people think about me so that I can fix what's bad and stroke the good to perfection. I encourage people to tell me what they don't care for and if I think it's something about me that needs changing, I will work to improve that part of myself. I can only get better. That's all any of us can do.
Let's just start being honest with each other and stop sugar coating things. If I offend you, tell me right away so I know what exactly was offensive. If I come off as "fake" or "disingenuous", PLEASE say something because that is one of the worst things I could possibly think of being accused of. And finally, take a step back, breathe a deep breath and realize that I'm an amazing person who just so happens to have a few faults. Don't expect me to be perfect because you will be sorely disappointed.